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Job Seekers

I am sent hundreds of resumes each week and constantly complain to friends about how terrible they are, so yesterday a friend asked me for resume writing tips and if I knew of any services that help write resumes. I told her she doesn't need a service, just download some free resume templates she can find online, but then I shared with her the things I see FREQUENTLY in resumes that are instant deal breakers that won't get job seekers a call for an interview:

My pet peeves when looking at resumes:

-Teeny tiny hard to read font. (If I'm going to get squint wrinkles from size 6 font, I don't need you in my life. Think things through, the person sifting through resumes is getting hundreds of them--make it easy to glance.) For comparison, you're reading size 10 font right now.

-Fancy script/scroll font that's hard to read on the screen. (This isn't your wedding invitation.)

-Misspelled words, incorrect words, and text type. (for real u see peaple right resumes like this)

-Only putting years on positions instead of months and years. (2011-2012 might mean you were there Dec 2011-Jan 2012,  I don't know.)

-Leaving off dates altogether. (What are you hiding? Have you not worked in 20 years? Do you leave jobs every 3 months?)

-Not putting job title on each company listing. (What the heck did you do there? Were you the receptionist or the VP of Sales?)

-Weird email addresses (crazybeotch2000 is just a warning to me. Emails are free, create one for job seeking that is just your name or initials.)

-Resumes saved with weird names: ie: cindysmommysresume (I actually was sent this for a professional corporate office position.)

-Resumes not in chronological order. (WHY are people doing this????)

-Resumes created with zero effort: ie: a plain word document with a listing of jobs, everything on the page in the same size boring font, no bold type to separate, no style to the name/heading, no bullet points. (If you're so lazy you can't put any effort into your resume, you'll probably be lazier once you have a paycheck.)

-No contact information (I download resumes in batches, you're not special enough for me to keep your email, so you better have it on your actual resume if you want an interview.)

-No home city listed (Do you live 2 hours from the location, or 20 minutes? Are you applying from Indiana for a job in Chicago? Do you live in Ohio and are applying for a job in Michigan? WHAT city/state do you live in?!??)

-No job description under the listed position. (What the heck did you do at your job??)

-Somewhere in the job description not listing what kind of company the candidate was working for. (I don't want to google "Snow Company" to find out if that was a clothing company or not--it should say somewhere in the job description.)

-Resumes submitted that don't have the experience that is listed in the job ad. Don't apply if you don't have the experience, you're not going to get a call. (I'm thrilled you sold computers, or you're a chef, or dance instructor, or you worked in the automotive industry, but the job ad says you must have 2 years of medical sales, so stop wasting my time.)

-Resumes over 2 pages---most people can still get everything on one page (I do using a column format), but if you're going over 2 pages into 3 or 4 you better be a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, not a retail sales associate or a newbie just out of college. I don't need to see what you were doing 10 years ago. 

-Irrelevant information: I don't care what a candidate's hobbies or volunteer activities are, that they cook for the church bake sale, or that they're a mommy. This has nothing to do with getting a job.

-Including a photo. (Get over yourself) Whoever told Gen Y that photos of themselves either alone, with a boyfriend, or making a duckface is appropriate for a resume and job seeking needs to retract this immediately. I see if way too often and it's not appropriate. 

Whenever I complain about any of these things to my HR friends, they see this all the time too and can usually top my tales (links to personal websites showing candidates with their dogs and babies, showing up to interviews with a dog or baby....).. Sorry high school and colleges, but if you're not sending graduates out with basic resume writing and interview skills, you're failing your people.....

Leaving For Another Business Trip

Triangle Of Happiness

Keeping in theme of the distaste I have over the company I work at administering a ridiculous PI survey to me, I found YET ANOTHER online quiz that I deem as accurate as the silliness of choosing adjectives in a calculating way.

This one is the Triangle Of Happiness which has you score your job on money, people, and work to find out how thrilled you are to work for a corporation.

I'm in a foul mood today about to embark on a 6 day business trip with my entire company. My score....well, let's just say it says I'm "floating along" just like"a huge number of other people," but am much better off than the majority of test takers that fluctuate between "kind of happy" and not really happy. Woo hoo! I'm doing better than most!

 I wonder when I return and am home for a bit with my friends and family if the score will change.

...and truth be told, I actually like my job, I just don't like corporate BS and ridiculous personality tests.

The site recommends you come back every 3 months to retake the test before making any major career changes.

...and if you rely on these "tools" to help you make life decisions, well, let's just say you're as silly as any company using the PI survey to monitor potential or current employees.

Here ya go, kids:

http://www.triangleofhappiness.com/

Enjoy

That's Why

A Facebook Quiz As Accurate As A PI

It turns out I'm like Rose on the Golden Girls, according to a Facebook survey asking Which Golden Girl Are You?

From the site:

You are Rose. There is an innocence about you that others find appealing and endearing. You never judge anyone and never listen to gossip. Your life is based on truth and values and you naturally believe everyone else wants to live the same. There have been times when your heart was too trusting, but you never let these moments change your beliefs. You are the one everyone wishes they could be!

I assume this survey to be as accurate as the ridiculous PI test my company forced me to take awhile back. Do it for free and save your company some coin....

Reading Emotions

I was on Facebook and this link to a New York Times quiz came up, so of course I had to take it:

Can You Read Other People's Emotions quiz

I scored a 31 out of 36.  I was also on the phone while taking the survey.

The company I work at should skip the stupid Predictive Index surveys they PAY for and just give the NY Times free one. About as accurate and meaningful....

Learn

Ignite A Fire

Can I Have My Own Private Island Please

Workplace Voodoo

A while back my company forced me to take a PI, Predictive Index personality test, even though I've worked there and excelled for a year and a half and the request came out of the blue to me and no one else. I have strong feelings about these types of tests (which HR will correct and say "It's not a test, it's a tool to help maximize your effectiveness," yeah, whatever) and the boxes they can put people in, but at my company if you express strong feelings, ideas, thoughts, or even facts, you're considered "disrespectful." It's a place of conforming, white bread, milk toast, don't rock the status quo, kitten heels and shift dresses. 

However, my boss pushed the issue and forced me to take the PI test against my will. He actually hammered me to do it so much I started crying. I'm not a crier, so that gives readers an idea of how passionate these people are about the test even though they swear up and down they're not going to make any decisions about careers with the results. Hmmm...mixed message much? 

So apparently I was just mentally abused to take it for kicks. Makes sense.

I haven't gotten the results. Our HR department is big on forcing people to do things, but not so good at follow through on their end...oh the tales that I could tell...

I have a friend who used to administer this "survey." 
Here's what she suggested for me to do considering my own situation:

The first page of 86 adjectives is how you think people see you (ie: helpful, exciting, assertive, earnest, self-starter). The second page of adjectives is exactly the same and is how you see yourself. The point of these two pages combined is to see how much you feel you have to fake your personality, or in other words, how much you have to "mold" yourself to fit in.

They're measuring: dominance (control), extroversion, patience, and formality (precision) as well as decision making and responsiveness. 

Try to choose the same words on both pages. Choose the positive ones. Always choose "tolerant" and "respectful," it's just PC. Stay away from the "negative" words like "fussy, cynical, worrying, demanding, obstinate, passive, escapist." 

Think from the perspective of what an employer would want of you, not your friends and family (although at my company that means I'd only choose "conformist, docile, obedient," none of which I could bring myself to chose because I have some scruples left.... sheesh).

If you choose too few words they can't get results (heh ;), I chose 50% of the words keeping them the same on each page with 3 or 4 extra on one or the other, but for kicks I wish I'd checked every box of 172 adjectives. Too bad I was in a sobbing fit of rage after my boss' torment and wasn't thinking clearly.

Companies pay for this thing. Unbelievable. I bet most of the same companies howl, "The well is dry," when good employees ask for raises or bonuses. 

The results I've seen for others outside of my company (again, I wouldn't know since after all the fuss I never saw mine) shows a graph and a summary of your "self" or self-image (how others see you), "self concept" (how you see yourself), and a "synthesis" which is the two combined to show who you "really" are.

The report then lists your strongest behaviors: ie "Employee is strikingly expressive...." "Employee is extremely informal."

It gives a couple paragraph summary: ie: "Employee is a verbal communicator with a strong sense of urgency and impatient for results." (Because you can't tell that from working with someone and need a test to point it out.... pffft...)

Depending on the job, it may give the employee's management style (same babble as above but longer and not in bullet form), their sales style (babble babble babble), and finally management strategies for dealing with the employee (or in HR babble: "Management strategies to maximize the employee's effectiveness and productivity,") ie: "Give the employee freedom from repetition, give the employee technical challenges."

What the employer sees that the employee does not, I'm not 100% certain, but for every "he's talkative" that's shown to the employee, has to be a "doesn't listen" for the employer, and every "broadly focused" shown to the the employee has to have a "doesn't pay attention to details" on the employer side. 

I've read 14 results online that strangers have posted, and although each is slightly different, 13 of the 14 could be me, and that 1 oddball must be the shiest person on the planet who can barely face other humans (or a fake test). It's like reading every magazine horoscope for each sign and seeing yourself. It's like a Facebook survey, or that Dr. Phil "Know Yourself" online quiz where everyone pretty much sounds the same despite scoring differently; and totally different than the Jung-based Myers-Briggs test which I've taken and never sounds like me.

And after all the drama and yelling companies do, who knows....maybe they stick you in a position you love or hate, promote you, fire you, do something awesome or devious, but swear up and down for legal purposes that they never will. It's a bad economy, we're all just at the whim of these places, so whatever. 

I've looked in to the legality of these tests, and except in CA companies can pretty much make you do ALMOST anything once you're employed. However, if you've worked somewhere awhile and you're made to take the test and you're dismissed anytime afterward you can have a lawsuit stating that it was due to the test.

Anyway, hopefully you don't have to take one of these ridiculous tests (go away PI salesman that's all over the web defending this crap---there's no place to leave comments here...go find another way to feed your family), but if you do, at least you know what to expect.


Page 1: The way you are expected to act by others:

 Page 2: The way you see yourself/ believe you really are (same adjectives as page 1):

Live

Pull Yourself Together

Sensible

One Of Those Days

I unleashed the flying monkeys. 
They're throwing poop. 
Best to get out of the way.

Boo!

Ordered my Halloween costume. Cute and simple....and a HOODIE! 
I can't wait for it to arrive! 
*Favorite Holiday!*

Lethal

If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine. It is lethal. -Paulo Coelho

Honor 9/11

Today:

Solutions Not Excuses

Raise the bar!

Figure It Out

Power

Poets Writers Mystics Troubadours

Poets

Misfits

Writers

Mystics

Painters

Troubadours

Spa Visit

Went to the Burke Williams Spa in So-Cal. When I finished with my massage, this was waiting for me with a sign in the relaxation room. Too cute!

Speak