I can't have the ass I had at 21, so my multiple birthdays have earned me the right to give advice.
.......I'd rather have the ass.
Anyway, here goes:
______________________
Don't stare. People don't like it.
Don't share much of your personal life at work--people there don't need to know your personal business.
Most adults don't change much from the time you meet them. Good or bad. If someone is a jerk, they're most likely always going to be a jerk. It takes a bold person to change their life, personality, or attitudes.
When you're stressed or angry, breathe deep. Oxygen can keep you from exploding...unless it's in a tank near fire.
Little things matter----words, conversations, letters, cards, emails, thank you's, silly presents out of the blue; for friends and family and lovers.
Friendships are relationships and they need constant maintenance or they fade away---see above---ALSO see below.
There are people you need to walk away from and cut ties with for your own well-being. It's the hardest thing to do, but do it.
Pick up the check once in awhile. Pay for the parking now and then. Surprise your friends with unnecessary generosity.
Be considerate...put yourself in someone else's shoes.
Don't chase men. It leads to wasted time, a broken heart, and ultimately nothing at all. Men who are interested don't have to be chased. Even knowing this, you will sometimes chase men.
When a love relationship ends, throw away the mementos, the photos, the letters, delete them from your contact lists and address books; let the past go. If the times with the person were good enough, your memories will suffice. If they weren't, they'll fade and make room for new, better, lasting ones.
Don't lie. Don't tell people what you think they want to hear. The truth may hurt, it may be ugly, but it will never ever, I repeat NEVER, be worse than a lie. Lies tell people they're not worthy of the truth; that they are not important enough to you to receive the truth. When someone finds out the truth, and they WILL, they may not forgive your lie.
Don't play games with people's hearts.
Don't cheat. People will move on from the betrayal, but it's effects will stay with them forever.
Broken hearts heal. Sometimes it takes a very long time. Sometimes it doesn't.
Get a skill so you're never dependent on someone to take care of you, because some day they won't.
Don't worry about what people think of you. They STOP thinking about you when they go home to their lives.
Life is shorter than you think---but until you lose someone to a random crime or accident, you won't know this.
Your childhood or the family you grew up in can break you IF you let them. If you want to get anywhere in life, stop whining and look at your childhood and say,"Yes, they did [this or that] to me and that sucks but I'm a grown up now and I control my life."
Move on. Move forward.
Smoking probably won't kill you but it will make your life a pain in the ass to live---you will one day find yourself sleeping with a machine to help you breathe for 20 years, or walking around during the day with a mini oxygen tank for 30 years, or have half your lung removed, and the collagen in your skin will break down and cause deep wrinkles. But no, it won't kill you.
If you smoke "only" when you drink, you are a smoker.
You don't believe that the sun or tanning will give you cancer....it probably won't, but it will age the hell out of your skin, so good luck with your wrinkles. Put on some damn sunscreen. Everyday. Winter or summer.
Swearing isn't sexy. See above.
A visible tattoo in a wedding dress isn't sexy.
You will regret most piercings after age 25; definitely by 30.
Don't share too much personal information on the internet. If people know you in real life they already know your personal information.
Internet friends are not real friends. Online I can tell you I'm anything I want you to think I am. So can you. And....I WILL. See above.
You will think it won't happen to you, but no matter how much you exercise and diet, your body will change year after year and there's nothing you can do about it. Yes, it sucks.
Exercise. Do it. Regularly. Walk, run, hit the gym. Because even though your body will change, it will feel and look a hell of a lot better if you keep moving your whole life.
Stretch.
It's not too late to start anything today.
Find a way to like drinking water. Your body will thank you. Your skin will thank you. Your muscles will thank you. Your brain will thank you. If you hear any of these body parts actually thanking you out loud, see a Shrink.
Talk. Let it out. Speak. Use your words.
Meditate. Quiet your mind.
Try different foods. You may have hated something when you were 10 and fall in love with it later on.
If you drink, spring for the good alcohol and enjoy it.
Don't wear white to an Italian restaurant. Somehow, someone will splatter you every time. Every. Single. Time.
Buy Egyptian or Pima Cotton sheets and towels, minimum 400 thread count. Replace your pillows. Make your bed a comfortable place.
Smile often. It will change your mood. It may change someone else's mood.
Cry if you need to, but NEVER at work; never in front of your boss.
You either have time or money, rarely both at once.
Floss.
Find a hobby; something to occupy you when you can't sleep or have no one to talk to.
Keep up your hair, nails, and waxing/shaving whether you're male or female. When you let your "maintenance" go, your mood and attitude will change for the worse.
If you're a man, don't put more effort and time into your hair, nails or shaving than a woman. A little Metro is ok, acting like a girl is not.
Don't let society or family or friends convince you to marry or to have children. It's more selfish to have a child when you don't want one than it is to do what other people who don't live your life want for you.
Don't waste time on people who are not fun, honest, smart, kind, positive, and good-hearted.
It's ok for people to have different opinions...even if those opinions make you crazy.
It is NOT ok for people to have hate for sexes, races, religions, or sexual preferences. Period. End of story.
When someone offers you an opportunity or gift, take it. Say no enough and people will stop offering and you never know what you'll miss out on.
Travel. As far as you can go, as often as you can, with the resources you have. Your backyard isn't big enough.
Ask. The worst someone can say is no. Most people won't say no.
Say thank you. Mean it.
Keep your word. Keep your promises. Keep your obligations. Keep your appointments. Keep your plans. Be accoutable. Follow though.
Sing. Be the American Idol of your car.
Appreciate people's talents; including your own.
Praise people when they do well.
Compliment people, even if it's just on their shoes. It makes people happy.
Accept compliments that people give you. You're insulting them and their taste when you don't.
Say you're sorry but not until you mean it.
Be on time. When you're late you're telling the people waiting for you that you think you and your time are more important than them.
You are not more important than anyone else on the planet, nor are you the only person on the planet---stop bitching about waiting in line, or sitting in traffic, silence your ringer in the theater, don't talk loudly on your phone in public, flush the toilet and wipe up any pee you leave on the seat, pick up your trash, clean up your own messes. Everyone is in this together.
If you're in the front 3 rows of a concert, you are obligated to act enthusiastic.
Pray. If you don't believe in God, talk out loud to something--- the universe, the energy that exists in this world, yourself---something in this world listens and reacts.
Karma exists. You don't have to believe in it--it's happening to you anyway.
Every day say out loud at least 1 thing you're grateful for. It may be the step you take out of bed, or the clean water you drink, or the warmth of a morning shower. Quit bitching. If you can't appreciate what you have, you'll learn to when it's taken away.
Never lose hope. It may get buried, but find a way to dig it out. Things can change in a flash from good to bad but also from bad to good. And they WILL.
Not being judgmental is the hardest thing in the world, but keep trying.
One day we stop judging ourselves....or so I'm told.
What you have, or what you do for a living, doesn't matter if you're an asshole.
Taxes matter.
You will have regrets, even though you will say you don't.
Wear a seat belt. Don't drink and drive. You might not care if you die, but the person you kill does.
It's not easy to find a good dry cleaner, a good tailor, a good massage therapist, a good hairstylist, a good general doctor, or a good gynecologist, yet all are important.
Make your home comfortable--clear or at least organize the clutter, make space, paint the walls a color you like, surround yourself with things you love--photos, art, candles, music, plants.
Go outside every single day. Breathe in the air, look at the sky. Even if you're sick and have to drag yourself to your front step.
Open your curtains and blinds. Maybe it's just serotonin, but sunlight does wonders for the mind and soul.
Clowns are creepy. Always have been, always will be.
Walk away from bullies. If they follow you, it's OK to punch them.
You can give advice and preach to people about situations until you're blue in the face, but until they experience something directly, they won't believe you. TRY not to say I told you so when it all comes crashing down.
You can't learn things for other people. You can't stop other people's heartache.
Fake it til you make it.
-C.M.
